Break ups are so hard. I’ve been there. It hurts the most when they want to break up and move on and you don’t. You’re left thinking so many things and it can be such a confusing, all consuming time.
They weren’t YOUR right person
Part of the problem is that you’ve somehow convinced yourself that your ex was your RIGHT person. Then it hurt even more – watching your “right person”, move on and be with someone else. The reality though, is that the right person can only be the right person when it’s two people choosing each other.
What was your dream relationship?
Think back to before you found this person. You probably dreamt of a wonderful relationship, with the right person who would have some of the same interests, want to hang out with you and talk for hours, or maybe just make you laugh until your stomach hurts. You might be thinking it’s impossible to find someone who is like this ever again. Maybe you think you’ve lost your perfect match – your dream is gone.
Our mind tricks us into believing we had this jewel that’s gone, and as much as we may have loved someone or all the great things we thought they were, they cannot represent that true dream relationship if they don’t choose you. In fact someone not choosing you is the biggest departure from your dream relationship you could ever imagine. It should be the greatest turn off in the world. When I was dreaming of my dream relationship it wasn’t the one where someone chose to be with someone else and I don’t think your dream relationship was that either.
Kill your Ego
The other aspect that we need to realize and get out of our way in order to move on is EGO. Yes, I know, it’s hard to think that any of this heart break has to do with ego but bear with me.
When someone doesn’t choose you, you start thinking all these things, “Why wasn’t I good enough?” “What could have I done better?” “What is so good about that other person?” Then instead of healing and making a decision that this just simply wasn’t your right person, you carry this baggage forward. The truth is you need to kill your ego. It has absolutely no place in your growth.
The pain you feel right now is so hard and awful and agonizing. It’s hard not to let your mind wander thinking of all the things your ex is doing for or with the other person. It’s hard not to self depreciate and tell yourself bad things about you. The truth is a piece of you has to die in order to move on. It’s hell right now but sometimes you need to go through hell and come out the other side of it. You’re going to be a better version of you once you come out of it, but you need to die to this first. Let it go and get out of this hell.
Find the best version of yourself
The strong person who is going to be on the other side of this experience is the one others want to know. Nobody has a perfect journey and this will become a part of your story. It will also help you to see the person who WILL choose you, the person who is YOUR RIGHT PERSON.
I know it is easier said than done and sometimes it’s even hard to believe when you’re struggling to let someone go but I know you have the strength within you to move forward. Go spend one hour doing something that you love. Walk away from the screen and the wallowing and just commit to enjoying a part of life again for yourself.
I would love to hear from you about your heartbreak story and recovery. If you’d like to share please get in touch with me on my contact page:)