It can be so fun to meet new people and date. Think back to that first string of messages and then perhaps the very first phone call where you really seemed to hit it off. You had a smile on your face the whole time and you couldnt wait until the next time you talked. You went on a first coffee date and had so much to chat about that you sat there talking until the place closed.
The Contact Seemed So Good!
You texted all the time, both of you initiated equally. You both seemed to have an attraction and shared so many laughs together. You didn’t get together as often as you’d like but, whatever, when you did it was always a good time.
Things Started to Change
And then things slowly started to change. You notice you stopped seeing them. They were always buried in work and couldn’t get together. You noticed contact started to fade. It didn’t bother you that much, you figured perhaps they weren’t as into you as you thought, you wanted more out of dating someone and contact anyway so you let it fizzle away.
One Year Later…
A year later you check an old email account. You notice a message there from them that had been written about three weeks before. You didn’t see it because you rarely check that email address. They tell you they lost your number because they trashed their phone. They felt bad about that and wanted to say hi. You think about it for a couple days, sensing something wasn’t quite right about it but so what, you’re single again and what will it hurt.
You check your phone, you still have their number so you shoot them a text. They respond. You start chatting back and forth, they mentioned they felt badly that it had been so long but they had never stopped thinking of you. You both admit you thought perhaps the other person just wasn’t that into you. It was fine though you liked chatting.
They text you every day and it doesn’t matter if you initiate or not, they always touch base. They almost always say goodnight.
One night they are texting you constantly, you enjoy the conversation but figure talking on the phone or FaceTime would be way better at this point. They’ve been talking with you for about month now and have not asked you out even once.
You tell them to FaceTime you and you notice hesitation. You’re feeling a bit playful so you just call them. They decline the call stating “their room mate is being a pain” What?? They never mentioned a room mate before. You make it known that you notice this detail and they state they finished the basement and got a room mate. They FaceTime you back. You’re chatting and enjoying some playful banter.
And Then it Happens…
They swipe their hand across the screen for whatever reason and you see it. A ring. You lean forward shocked stating “are you married???” They fumble and look down realizing it’s been revealed. You are shocked – you have talked to each other extensively. You’ve heard stories of their life and asked all the right questions (have you ever been married, have you ever had children). There was no reason for you to think you would find out they are married, but they are.
A barrage of questions take place and you learn all they had portrayed was a lie. They flatter you with sentiments of how attracted they are to you, how much they loved their time with you, how they know they need to fix their crap at home. Disappointment sweeps over you.
The next morning they text apologizing for the fiasco. They state they will delete your number and leave you alone. You say good bye. They text later, stating they don’t want to stop talking to you – you block them.
No matter how convincing they are, they likely are not going to change their life for you. They are already being deceptive and have wasted your time and disrespected you by lying. You found out they are married. That is not a person who will choose you for the rest of your life. Let them go.