One of the toughest things to deal with in relationships is betrayal. Unfortunately sometimes people do things to one another that hurt so deeply. Maybe someone cheated on you, maybe they weren’t truthful about their work life or past issues. In any case. once something like this has happened its easy to believe it could happen again.
The truth is, it might. Any relationship comes with risks however in order to really give yourself the chance you deserve you’re going to have to heal and find the courage to try again. After walking through a couple steps you will be more ready than ever.
Allow Yourself the Space To Go Through All The Emotions
When you suffer a betrayal you go through a lot of different emotions anger, confusion, sadness, loneliness, confusion and perhaps even the desire to seek revenge. Before you can ever have a hope of moving on you will need to get through these emotions and get back on top of it. These emotions are perfectly normal. We are humans, we feel things and its healthy to do so. It will go a long way to carry you in your future relationship endeavors.
Do Not Seek Revenge
Many people are tempted to seek revenge when someone has hurt them. Often people want the other person to feel what they felt when they learned of the betrayal. It is easy to fall into this trap and think that this will bring you closure. The truth is, you will never be able to affect the person in the exact same way they have affected you. The outcome also would not be nearly as gratifying as you think it will be. If you have compassion you will end up feeling guilty for hurting someone. The response you may recieve may do more harm than good because the other person may not even react at all. The truth is your energy is better spent on things that will help you move forward. Spending energy on things of the past is not going to help you to do the work on yourself that you may need to do, in order to heal. Put yourself first and move on.
On a side note, if the person who betrayed you is still in your life your steps will be the same but harder to execute. It’s okay to give some space in between you and the other person. Try to disconnect from communication and mute their social media. If you don’t plan to reconcile the relationship but still have to see them in whatever capacity it’s better to not be connected on social media at all. Setting boundaries is a healthy part of healing and self care. Don’t be tempted back into the same situation.
Talk To An Objective Person
Talk to someone who is not connected to the situation so that you can reflect on what’s happened in a new way. Sometimes when you hear yourself tell the story out loud to someone, you can see things differently or with more clarity. The person you talk to could also possibly help with your perspective both on yourself and perhaps the other person. Be aware that choosing someone objective and with a higher level of emotional intelligence is important. You don’t want to merely sit bashing the other person, this type of thing is not productive. You are talking to someone else in order to help heal and bring clarity.
Talk To The Person Who Betrayed You
I don’t always suggest this but there are times when you will have to have an open, in depth conversation with the other person about what’s happened. In a case where you will be continuing in the relationship, this is inevitable. Doing it well and and at the right time is important.
Try not to be accusational. State facts and frame sentences discussing how you feel openly. Try to do this in a relaxed atmosphere that you feel most safe in. Ensure that you are calm and try not to get heated. If you begin to get frustrated or feel that you aren’t being heard, call a time out, and then state when you will be willing to come back to the conversation. Let the other person know your intention is to solve the problem and work together to move forward. Be clear about what you will need and want through this process.
You will be able to move forward. You may never forget the story but at some point in the future it won’t feel the same as it does now. You will notice at some point the emotions behind it don’t feel the same and your mind will be clearer. Engage in good self care during this time and don’t be afraid to lean on your support system.