Have you been in a relationship where you KNOW the other person is not good for you and you feel like you are unheard and disregarded but can’t quite articulate what the problem is? You might be up against someone who is using guilt as a manipulation tactic.
How guilt is used
Everyone uses guilt in ways in relationships from time to time. For the record, it’s always manipulative. There’s a difference between that tendency and using it to keep someone disempowered. Guilt provocation carries the mindset that “if you don’t do what I like, you will upset me, and this makes you selfish.” Another familiar feeling you may have is the whole “you owe me” mentality. The “I’m good and you are bad. When you hurt me you owe it to me to be nice to me.” This never works the other way around by the way. If you’re hurt – that’s also your fault.
Leave the conversation
Don’t buy into this crap. It is a tool used to paralyze you in the conversation. Does it screw with your head? You bet it does. It’s not fair at all. There’s no positive way out when you’re on the other side of someone doing this to you. Don’t feel bad if you have to leave the conversation. Staying and defending yourself fuels their fire. That’s the outcome they want. For people who use these tactics even negative attention works for them.
If you are going through this it can be very hard to share with other people. Often our friends and family tell us things like “like stop talking to them.” It’s not that easy. If your brain is addicted to someone the physiological effects of being away from them function like withdrawal from drugs. Your mind plays all sorts of tricks on you and makes you think you just simply cannot do it without them. People on the outside looking in don’t understand that.
Have a live chat
If you are going through this type of confusing time in a relationship please don’t go through it alone. Join me on Facebook where we have supportive group video calls and talk about what you’re going through and help you to safely get through it .